The Finale

It took me a long time to get used to Ava. With deep brown eyes the size of walnuts, you never knew where you stood. "Well, that's a grumpy baby," people would say to me in the grocery store. She wasn't grumpy, but she didn't smile and coo like the other babies did. She pushed her brows together, determined, and frowned her way through most of her early days.

So when she smiles, it is my sunshine. When I walk with her through these Evergreen streets, when evening sunlight sneaks between the trees and sparks against strands of her sun-kissed golden hair, when she turns and laughs unexpectedly at something I've said, when she takes my hand while we round the corner to the beach and see the water, when she smiles, she is my sunshine. And when it's raining, all I want to do is surround her with a thousand umbrellas. But I know she needs to bring her own.

We are walking together to the beach on one of our last days here when I'm talking about wrapping up this blog. What will my last post be, and how will I articulate everything that happened while a funny concept morphed into a life changing experience.

I know, I know! She laughs. I've got it! It should be this! This is the whole thing!!! This is the whole point!

Day 29: Heavy Weight Lifting 5 pm

I arrive at the Boothbay Harbor YMCA for the finale. Heavy Weight Lifting. The ultimate last thing. The circled-in-green last-man-standing. Over the weeks I've convinced myself to leave this class for the end. If I'm really in shape, if I've been working as hard as I think, I will show up to this class ready to lift barbells over my head in triumph. I will be Stacy Who Works Out and Lifts Weights. And I am right on time as I make my way down the stairs into the weight room.

I look around. A couple of shirtless guys are lifting weights. They are sweaty and have earbuds in. I can't tell who the instructor might be so I get a drink of water and pretend to look for something near the treadmills.

I wander back to the weight area. It's 5:05. Nothing. No instructor, no finale.

I head back over to the stretching mats to see a small group assembled in the Studio. Work Out to The Max, I think. Dollar Store Leggings. But Instructor Tara is nowhere to be seen.

I make one last trek into the weight room and take a last look at Sweaty Weight Lifting Dudes. Nope, I think, this isn't a class. And if it is, it's not for me.

The group in the Studio has increased by one when I join at 5:10. I recognize some of my classmates and grab a mat and weights. Still no Tara.

I overhear a classmate wondering if class is canceled when Abby busts through the door, giant audio system tucked under her arm, smiling. She tells us that Tara can't make it and she will be teaching the class. I flash back to Abby leading us in an Aqua Aerobics version of the YMCA song and singing Amazing Grace as we stretched in the pool, Abby telling us the theme for our cycle ride is Faith in Ourselves, and Abby showing me how to stick my feet in the TRX so I can Circ du Soliel my way into a plank.

So here is Abby, subbing for Tara, starting us off in some aerobics to get our heart rate up. Telling us that we are going to be hearing all her favorite songs because man, oh man, did she have a rough weekend (a major YMCA event was canceled because of the rain).

I am so happy to see Abby. She is smiling a mile-wide smile and I know I am in the right place right as Catherine of Boothbay Harbor Boot Camp arrives. I don't know why she's here too but suddenly I feel like Dorothy waking up from her Wizard of Oz dream because three smiling Bikini Body girls dance through the door in their athleisure wear and join the class as well.

I am almost delirious as everyone laughs at Abby's jokes while we warm up. I see Catherine on my right, my familiar classmates to my left, Bikini Body girls behind me, and I realize I am right in the middle of every single thing I learned here this summer. I am struggling not to cry as we aerobicize and woo-hoo our way to Coldplay's Adventure of a Lifetime. I feel my heart beating... and I'm alive again.

Later when I am home and walking to the beach with Ava she smiles excitedly and tells me what I need to do to end this thing. So here is the list we made together of all the things I learned along the way while I was getting ready for a Heavy Weight Lifting Finale that never happened, and never needed to anyway.

1. Writing is hard. Knowing what to say and how to say it isn't easy. It took me forever to come up with these ideas and even longer to put them together. I thought about each post for hours. I revised 1000 times. Sentences were written and unwritten and lots of it never got published. I wrote in weird ways, like speaking into my phone or texting into notes while I waited to pick up the kids. I can't believe how much we ask students to write, like it's nothing, like it's easy. It's not nothing; it's really hard.

2. Encouragement is vital. So many friends offered encouragement for this project. If you were one of them- if you messaged me telling me how much you loved it, if you commented, if you called me to tell me you wanted more people to read it, if you pushed me to keep going- you have no idea how much it meant to me. It made me feel like you were on this journey with me, and when I got stuck, all I had to do was think of you, and I kept going. Our students need that too, our children need it, our spouses and our friends need it, everyone needs it. If you can tell someone they are doing a good job, you should.

3. Sometimes you have to be a joiner. I'm not good at this but I'm getting better. I made friends at the YMCA this year. I smiled at people and they smiled back. I didn't try to fit in, I just showed up, said hello, and did my best. And I'd like to think that people started to like me for being the weirdo who shows up to all the different classes and sometimes gets really emotional for no apparent reason while planking.

4. Working out is actually really good for you. Ok, I know I'm late to the party on this one. But how about we just let me pretend for a few minutes that I'm the one who discovered that if you work out you feel better. No? Whatever. You should work out. It's good for you.

5. The Destination is Irrelevant. Who cares that I didn't officially take every class at the Boothbay Harbor YMCA? I certainly don't. Every single week was packed with learning and lessons and growth. I didn't have a Big Barbell Finale and it doesn't matter. Enjoy the ride, people. Every day is important. Live it.

And here's one Ava and I didn't work on together...

Kids listen to what you say, but they watch what you do. So, stop telling kids what they should be doing and start doing it yourself. They need to see you struggle, they need to see you work hard, they need to see you fail and pick yourself back up again. They need to see you make mistakes and say you're sorry. They need to see you take risks and put yourself out there, and they need to see you lean on your friends for support. They need to see you notice things that are not right in this world, and they need to see you figure out what your own small contribution will be to fixing those problems. They need to see how it is we do the hard stuff that is life, and no amount of telling them how to do it is the same as doing it yourself and sharing that experience with them- the good, the bad, the times you are Elaine Benes at the Company Party and your underpants are showing through your cheap leggings.

Yesterday I made a list of the times and types of classes that are available at my hometown YMCA. Thank you for reading this blog and thank you for making this summer the Adventure of a Lifetime.